Male Sex workers
How to negotiate with clients while making your limits clear
Negotiation skills are techniques that allow us to talk to the client and agree on terms for the services we´ll provide, how those services will be performed, where and for how much money.
It´s common for clients to offer more money for services without condoms. This means having risky sex where you could get a STD, and especially HIV.
They usually use arguments like:
- ¨I´m healthy, I can´t give you any STD.¨(The client guarantees they are healthy)
- ¨I don´t feel anything if I use a condom¨(claims he´s sensitive and can´t have sex with a condom)
- ¨Condoms makes me lose my erection¨ (they say that using condoms makes it impossible for them to stay hard)
- ¨I trust you, you´re a good looking guy and you look healthy¨ (They confuse the sex worker´s good looks for good health, when many sexually transmitted diseases, especially HIV, do not have visible symptoms.)
These are our options when we face these types of arguments:
- Talk with the client: You must be persuasive and confident in establishing your limits. Make the client understand that if he wants your services it must be on your own basic terms, like using a condom, and other conditions. It´s vital for the client to be sober and not under the influence of drugs, for these types of conversations to be successful and end well for both of you. That´s why you have to adopt an assertive and communicative attitude with the client.
- Reject the client: This option isn´t desirable for any of us, but it´s necessary if it is a violent, threatening or unpleasant situation. Your safety, integrity and health are the first things you need to look out for.
- Alternative sex practices: If the client refuses to use a condom, you can offer no-risk alternative sex practices. But you have to have good communication with the client, and know which sex practices don´t carry risk of STD/HIV infection.
- Misleading the client: You can accept a service and deceive the client, by faking penetration and really just doing it between the thighs; wetting your hands and using them to simulate a blow job; putting the condom on with your mouth, without the client realizing. However, if the client realizes he´s been mislead he may refuse to pay for the service.
By establishing limits we take control of the way we relate to the client, protect our self-esteem and take care of our health. So, set your limits by using negotiation techniques with your clients.
If a client wants sexual services involving drug use, you can:
- Mislead the client: Accept the conditions of the service, and when it comes time to take the drugs, deceive client into thinking you have taken them.
- Negotiate strategies to avoid drug use: You can say no to any service involving drugs, therefore rejecting that particular service. You can then offer low or no-risk services, encouraging practices that don´t involve penetration, like tantric massage.
- Rejection: You always have the option to reject the client and the services he wants, sticking to your personal limits, but potentially reducing your income.
Secrets to good client negotiations
Being assertive lets you protect your personal boundaries and rights without anxiety. You can express your feelings and opinions (positive and negative) in a direct way without infringing the rights of others. Assertiveness lets you establish your limits with other people, guilt-free.
The Assertiveness formula lets you say NO without feeling guilty, while offering an attractive alternative:
Example: ¨I´m sorry, I don´t have unprotected sex, but I can make you enjoy yourself risk-free.¨